crowned.

"Starships, are meant to fly ah ah ai."

ANYONE WHO HAS LOOTED/FOUND THIS ANKLET PLEASE RETURN IT TO QUINIE. :(

I've been sitting here since I had my dinner.

To be honest, judging the amount of work I've completed, anyone would think I've only been sitting here for 30 minutes.

I really miss my anklet. :(

I remember it was love at first sight, I thought it was the prettiest thing.

I haven't learnt to cherish the things I have, have I?

And "Quintervention"? What's that.

"When only love, could break these chains. You gave Your life, in a beautiful exchange."

"No one told me, I was going to find you."

I'm constantly at war with the low self-esteem and poor confidence.

This song that I heard again today, after so many years.

Favoritism is written all over some places.

Things around me. They still remind me.

But this will be the last time these memories will hurt me.

I've found that I cannot believe anyone loves me whole-heartedly, truly.

I don't believe anyone really likes or loves me for who I am. No one at all.

I still feel that even the people who are closest to me, they'll leave me one day.

So I always feel like I'm giving more than anyone else.

I always had the impression that I know this thing they call "love" better than anyone else in the world.

And I can't stop pushing people away just to see if they'll really leave.

Sometimes, I really wish they'd leave, so I won't have to face the worry and bother.

I have been promised that it's time to heal.

And nothing and no one will stop it. Not even me.

"It's time you got better. Don't have to try. Stay strong and let Me."

It's easy to forget why I stopped taking long bus rides.

The way I'm so vulnerable to so many things around me.

And how much the trivialest matters affect me.

The things I experience today, they don't hurt me because now I know better.

Yet, I let the things of the past bother me.

People who are long gone, who are no longer a part of who I am, or who I will be.

Over the weekend, I've heard two sermons which are similar in the way I received them.

It seemed like it was directed at me. :)

You take this heart and please break it from what breaks Yours.

No one. No one.

I thought this was just meant for the one who made me promise and broke the bloody promise first.

Now it's not just her. You, too.

I never thought I'd feel like that about you.

We were so close, now I'm said to be defensive.

But truth be told, it's more than just defense.

Still, I'm so sick trying to protect myself, you dont know.

Why am i bothered. Why?

Because I've built these walls...

But they came from you. Of all the people of the world.

Disappointed? No, just crushed.

I'm sorry I'm so selfish.

You must be thinking how I never thought of the times when I hurt you.

I only remember how I hurt.

But this is how I am.

This unprepared. This afraid. This sensitive. This defensive. This broken.

“一个人他有多坚强，就代表他的心有多脆弱。”

When I'm my own worst enemy.

My best friend. Like my soulmate, someone who knew me enough to know what would hurt me and what wouldnt.

One who is able to tell if I'm hurting even if I hide it.

One who makes me laugh and claims the same about me.

I lost you and I have no idea how.

Talk about pain.

My best friend.

Time management.

"Why do they keep barking at me for lousy time management skills?"

"Because you are afraid to turn people down, so you try to make time for as many people as possible."

I guess it's also why I feel very disappointed when people tell me "you need to have better time management".

The fact that anyone had the chance to say that to me at all, meant that person was important enough for me to try and make time for them.

The next time someone says that to me... You'll find out.

First week of school and tutorials and assignments are piling up.

I have real assignments now.

Basically, everything that I plan may have the chance of being implemented and put in place by real companies and all.

Feels like a responsibility but what matters now, is just how much I want to do well.

Speak of being hard on yourself.

"It's just a show, Pooz."

It's hard to not doubt my ability to love anyone enough.

I cannot stand the thought of being vulnerable to anything at all.

Not feelings. Not anyone.

I've been left alone too many times and it's becoming the reason I'd prefer to be alone.

I'm comfortable that way.

I fend for myself, do what I want to do and learn self-discipline at a relaxed pace.

I know so many couples who are happy together.

And it only happened because both of them are one complete whole as a person.

"He, will be a man, stronger in faith than you are."

And he will never be my life, but a significant part of my life. He will never be my world, but the most important thing in it.

"Forgiveness is right where you fell."

The last time I listened to this song was like... Lol.

It reminds me that it's never too late to pick everything up again and move on.

"...I will not let you know."

How come every time I'm feeling really lousy, I'm all alone with no one on my side, no one next to me and no shoulder to cry on.

How many times am I gonna have to wait on people to care for me and ending up feeling even more disappointed?

I can't deny how people who are the closest to me have the ability to affect me the most.

And just when you give them the access to your fragility, they let you down.

I really need to learn to be happy and stay strong on my own.

Why am I hurting myself like this?

I want to see you but I can't.

So I went for a walk alone.

To listen to nothing but the rustling leaves and footsteps, and perhaps pieces of random conversations blown away by the wind.

I did hear all of these, but my mind registered none of it.

Indeed, I was alone but I let ill-disciplined self fill my head with images, memories and thoughts of him.

I know what should be done and what must be done.

And it is my choice, that I am clear of.

But what's right is extremely painful for me.

Miles away from the comfort zone, we don't even have to mention that.

I know all it takes is to turn to Jesus, and I know He's just right behind me.

But my obsession is against it and I am even more distracted now.

The little changes, however, I have come to notice, was that I never forget to say my grace before a meal.

I still make casual remarks about people's dressing in my head, like how I always do and of which it is only for Jesus to hear.

And how He's come so clearly now, just to speak straight into my heart.

He's right in front of the doorstep now, but it seems to me I'm not letting him in.

I know He loves me and I know He will never let me go, and it is this way for security.

But I'm not ready to let go of my thoughts of him.

I know.

I like balloons. :) These are my very happy balloons.

It's been a beautiful day.

Starting off with an unproductive morning.

But yup, no one studies on birthday so...

I went to meet the girls at Somerset and to my surprise no one was there except for this text I received that told me to look for a cookie monster. ...?!

So then it turned out my 6 beautiful girls had planned a game with 6 different "stations" and each one holding a clue.

And so I found them one by one, and each of them were holding a balloon and a clue card! (above)

I'm so thankful, it's been a beautiful day.

With 6 beautiful girls.

I had a wonderful time. :)

Thanks girls. <3

And thanks Bobbie, for my surprise :D